You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
