I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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