My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
