Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
