Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I would ride that face into the sunset
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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