Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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