after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
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I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
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I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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