plz talk dirty to me
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
