My balls are so social today.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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