It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
