Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
