You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
