Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
