I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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