Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
