capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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