i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
