omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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