I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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