why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
