Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
