I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
