dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
