Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
