just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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