I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
