A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
