The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
