could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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