I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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