I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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