I just saw a hot homeless man
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
