She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
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