and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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