dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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