Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
