fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
