This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
