How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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