Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize