filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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