I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
im on a boat
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