I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
