i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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