I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
This baby is an asshole
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
