The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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