You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize