i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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