There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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