I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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