they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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