If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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