Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
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