Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
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I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
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Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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