The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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